Let's Reflect - February

Our word for February is 'impossible'. I have thought long and hard about this word and any positive outcomes that I may have experienced. I have had a lot of things happen to me over the years that weren't good. My mom used to say to me, "Joyce, if you didn't have bad luck, you wouldn't have any luck at all". She didn't say it to be mean, she said it because it was true. Bad things were always happening to me for some reason. It was almost like Murphy's Law had been written specifically for me. If something bad could happen, it would. It's funny how you learn to adapt to your circumstances. I won't bore you with all of mundane facts about my life, but at one point I actually didn't care whether I lived or not.

It was a little while after my divorce and my children had gone to Louisiana to visit their father. My son was 15 and my daughter was 8. While there, my ex-husband convinced both of my them to stay and live with him and his new wife. He made more money than me and I was convinced he had brain washed them into believing he would buy them everything they wanted. I couldn't compete. Though we had joint custody, I felt my life was over. My kids were my life. What was I going to do all on my own? At that point everything in my life seemed impossible. I was so depressed. I had trouble going to work everyday. I couldn't function. I just wanted to hide away. I think I cried every single day for a whole year. I was a mess.

Then I changed jobs and met Thadd, my current husband. He helped me dig myself out of the hole I had buried myself in. He gave me strength and support. He is the one who showed me that by letting my kids go live with their dad without guilt, I was the better person. I was the one who was proving my unconditional love for them by stepping back and supporting their decision. I was doing what was best for them, not what was best for me. At the time all of this was happening, I thought it was impossible for me to ever be really happy again. Thanks to Thadd, I was wrong.

This was a life changing event that ended up making me stronger than I ever thought I could be. With Thadd's help I was able to rebuild confidence in myself. I learned that life does go on. After this tragedy (and to me that is exactly what it was) I was more prepared to be able to handle all of life's other little bombs that have come my way, especially my mother's illness and passing. It was only four months that I was diagnosed with Non-hodgkins Lymphoma (a non-curable blood cancer).

Thadd and I will have been married 23 years in November but we have been together for 26. He is not only my husband but my best friend.

So, I say, nothing is impossible if you have the support and love of your family and friends. Here is a picture of the family (minus my sister and brother and their spouses) taken in 2011.